If I Lose Myself
by Blackberry Explosion
Summary: For budderkitten15. A Solangelo one-shot where Will Solace finds himself being shaken awake and whisked off on a midnight adventure. And afterwards he can't remember if the whole thing was a dream or not. Rated T for paranoia.


**Hey, guys! And yes, I know I should be working on PJ&amp;PW, blah blah blah. But Solangelo! **

**To be honest, I'm freaking terrified. I've never posted anything I've written for this couple before, and I can't stop comparing myself in my brain to Solangelo geniuses like ghostyStarr and TailsDolls13. Basically people I really should not be comparing myself to because I am nowhere near their level of amazingness. But I'm doing it anyway. **

**Dedicated to budderkitten15, because she is wonderful. (And this isn't even her birthday present.) **

**This one-shot was partly inspired by the song by OneRepublic of the same name, and partly by a dream I had a few months ago that's been haunting me ever since. **

**Enjoy! **

Will Solace had just herded his unruly mess of Apollo siblings into bed. Exhausted from a day of strenuous healing and tedious counselor's meetings, he collapsed into his bunk. Sleep swept him up into its clutches as soon as he closed his eyes.

Unfortunately, way too soon, Will woke to the unpleasant sensation of someone poking his face. "Hmm…go 'way." he murmured sleepily, flopping his arm into his face as he snuggled into the pillow.

"Psst. Will. Will. Wiiiiiiiillllll…"

Will's eyes shot open. He sat up so fast that he got vertigo, turned toward the voice, and immediately decided that he was totally dreaming. Nico di Angelo was sitting on the edge of his bed. His dark eyes were wild with excitement as he (quite unnecessarily) shook Will's shoulder. "C'mon, Will! We don't have much time! It's only eleven!" he stage-whispered, thankfully not disturbing any of the other campers.

Will looked at the clock and tried to disguise the burst of irritation that came with it. He'd only gone to bed an hour ago. "What are you doing here?"

"It's a surprise!" Nico was nearly bouncing up and down.

Rubbing his eyes, Will checked to make sure it was Nico di Angelo he was talking to here, and not some hyper ten year-old camper. "Did you go through a time warp or something?"

"No!" Nico hit him on the arm, jarring Will back to reality. There was no way that the ten year-old Nico could've hit that hard. "I'm just excited. Now, are you ready?"

"I-I'm in my pajamas…" Will said nervously, wondering what sort of "surprise" Nico could be planning.

"There's no time for you to change. And it doesn't matter what you're wearing."

"What…what are we-"

"You'll see!" Nico jammed his hand into Will's, and Will lost all awareness of his sleeping siblings. As the floor disappeared beneath his feet and the breath was ripped out of his lungs, he screamed like he was in a horror movie. Will hated shadow-traveling.

They stepped into reality on the side of a grassy hill. Will stumbled, his heart racing and his vision swirling from the shadow travel. Nico caught him and held him steady before releasing him once he could stand. "Where are we?" Will asked. Sudden worry and care about Nico's health flowed back into his sleep-addled brain. "If you over-exert yourself again-"

"Relax, Solace." Nico placed his palms face-up in a placating gesture. "We're about a half-mile outside camp. You can drag me home if need be. It's been four months since I last made a really huge jump, but I've been practicing. I have a stash of ambrosia and nectar nearby. And there's always Jules-Albert."

Will continued to look at him skeptically.

Nico sighed. "And there's a medical center just a mile away that's run by a daughter of Apollo who will let you come in and fuss over me if I get hurt."

Will exhaled with relief. "Good. I'm glad you care about your health."

Nico rolled his eyes and turned away, but Will caught his smile. Nico's smiles, Will decided, were like a good book next to a blazing fireplace, warm, and always extremely satisfactory.

"Okay, come on." Nico muttered to Will, who became even more blissed out than he already was when he grabbed his wrist. Nico slowly led him down the hill, then suddenly ripped his hand off Will's arm. He took off running across the flat land stretching out into the night.

"Nico!" Will sprinted after him, cursing the roomy pajama pants slowing him down. Nico just barely stayed in his line of sight, but he eventually caught up to him. Nico cackled as Will panted. "You're so out of shape! I thought you prescribed daily exercise to your patients!"

"I do! I just don't run! I…spar, and stuff." Will choked out.

"Then how come I beat you in the arena every single-"

"Let's talk about something else." Will interrupted. "Why are we here?"

"To run." Nico answered matter-of-factly.

"But why?"

"Why not?" Nico countered. Will glared. Nico sighed. "Fine, I'll tell you. I come here sometimes at night and just do this. Run. It…I forget. I forget about everything that's ever happened and just run. It's nice to forget."

Will pondered that. "Huh. I guess I can see what you mean. Forgetting sounds nice to me too."

"I think we all could use a little time to forget." Nico replied.

"Yeah." They ran in silence for another minute before Will panted, "Could you slow down a little, Nico?"

"Oh yeah, sure." Nico slowed his pace so he and Will were running side by side.

They might have run for half an hour, or two hours, or five minutes. Will wasn't sure. The steady thump-thump-thump of the running was soothing, and he did realize that the everyday cares and worries that were always on his back just slid away. At one point he realized that he and Nico were holding hands, but couldn't recall if he'd reached for Nico or Nico had reached for him.

Nico was running next to him, holding on to him. He was grinning. Sometime while they were running he threw his head back with laughter, his pale face illuminated by the stars, and Will hid a smile. Nico's laughter was even better then his smiles.

Finally they'd run so much that even Nico couldn't go any farther. When he finally stopped, Will let out a gasp and collapsed on the ground. All the fatigue from lack of sleep and running for Zeus knew how many miles caught up with him. He lay down in the grass with his arms and legs splayed, gulping in air.

Nico knelt next to him, smirking. "Fun?"

Will barely nodded. "Yeah." he breathed. "Just…tired."

Nico sat down in the grass. "I am too. That was longer than I usually go." As he said it, Will noticed that his chest was heaving, and his arms were shaking as they propped him up.

Will reached over and tugged down on Nico's sleeve, effectively pulling him down onto the ground. A gasp fell out of Nico as he dropped. He glared at Will, but Will didn't flinch. "Rest. Over-exertion wont be helpful when you transport us back." he ordered.

Nico frowned but laid his head back into the grass. Will did the same, closing his eyes. Once again, he lost track of time. He fell into a state of half-sleep, all his thoughts slipping away, but staying conscious of the cool air surrounding him, the dewy grass tickling his bare arms and feet, Nico's fingertips just barely brushing his…

Maybe he did fall asleep. All Will knew was that some amount of time later, Nico sat bolt upright. Will propped himself up, rubbing his eyes. "Nico…what…"

"Shh!" Nico's alert eyes darted around the deserted landscape with a wild air. "Do you hear it?"

At first Will heard nothing but the wind rustling through the trees far behind them. Then it reached him. The sound of a violin. High and haunting, then low and longing. Will caught his breath. Beautiful.

"Will." Nico pointed up. "Look."

Will looked. Silver mist swirled above them, twisting into shapes. An arm, a skirt, a face peeked out at random intervals. Then it dissipated and spread all around, sinking down to Will and Nico's level. It stopped morphing into other shapes, which stayed the way they were. As transparent people, separated into groups of two, twirling to the melody of the distant violin.

"Ghosts." Will whispered, not daring to raise his voice any further for fear that they might vanish. He raised his eyes at Nico. "Did you-"

"No." Nico answered just as quietly, shaking his head with wonder. "They just appeared. I can't tell why." He closed his eyes and concentrated. "I don't sense any animosity from them. They…they're just here to dance."

And that's exactly what they did. The ghosts didn't even seem to notice Will and Nico. They were lost in the dance.

"They all lived in different times. I don't think any of them are paired with someone they could have known when they were alive." Nico continued. "They never made it to the Underworld. I think they just roam the world of the living, but never as a true part of it."

Will looked around. "Then can't you help them get to the Underworld? Doesn't your dad know about them?"

Nico considered. "I don't think Hades knows. But I don't want to take them away. They're happy. They might not be happy wherever they end up in the Underworld. Even if they don't deserve it…I want them to be happy. Like I am right now."

Will glanced over at Nico and knew that he meant it. His eyes were closed, his head tilted up as if he was absorbing the music. He was beautiful.

"So…what do we do now?" Will asked after a beat.

"We could just stand here and wait for them to leave. Morning's not for a few more hours. They'll be gone long before that." Nico said, but Will caught his drift. That wasn't what he wanted. It wasn't what Will wanted either. "Or…" he countered.

"Or?" Nico quirked one eyebrow. Will tried to do the same, then decided that he probably looked like he was having a seizure. He stopped, choosing instead to look into Nico's eyes and smile.

"We can dance too." Will took his hand, and Nico didn't stop him.

Time blurred once again, and this time Will was rather disappointed. He wanted to remember every instant of this dance for the rest of his life. But a few details stayed snagged in Will's mind, even as the rest dissolved, lost forever.

Will's hand placed on Nico's waist. The cool breeze stirred up by the ghosts. The melody of the violin electrifying the very air around them. How his hand was freezing cold on Will's shoulder but Nico's eyes were the warmest thing he'd ever seen.

An incredibly clear wisp of memory always stayed with him. Standing impossibly close together, as the music reached a crescendo. The darkness slowly swirling around them, eventually overtaking the dawn turning the sky lavender. Nico's dark hair brushing against his cheek.

The next thing Will Solace knew, he was being rudely shaken awake by his youngest brother, home in the Apollo cabin. And he couldn't tell if the whole thing was a dream or not.

For once lamenting his cabin's tendency to rise with the sun, Will slogged through the morning. He tripped twice on the way to breakfast. Then he downed four cups of coffee before he felt awake enough to look around. Usually the Apollo cabin were the only ones here this early. But one person had also arisen at this time.

Nico di Angelo was sitting at the Hades table. No food was on his plate. He was looking at Will.

Before Will could comprehend, his feet were carrying him across the pavilion, plate and glass in hand. He plonked down at Nico's table. Nico lifted an eyebrow. "Isn't this against the rules?"

Will blinked, then shrugged. "Chiron isn't here. And I have some medical stuff to talk to you about." he added, raising his voice so his siblings wouldn't be suspicious. Then he quieted down and focused on Nico.

Nico looked bored. "Shoot."

Will chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Well…it's not exactly medical."

"Then what is it?"

"It…well…did you…did we see each other? Last night? Because I think we might have, but I might have dreamed it…" Will trailed off, sure that he had succeeded in sounding idiotic.

Nico's answer was annoyingly cryptic. "We may have. Why do you ask?"

Will bit his tongue. "I…" He'd asked because he wanted to know if Nico had kissed him or not. "I was just curious."

Nico played with his fork, even though he wasn't eating anything. His nonchalance was so extreme that it almost seemed forced. "What did we do?"

Will groaned. "But you know!"

Nico didn't meet his eyes. "You don't know that. You said for yourself that you may have been dreaming."

"But…" Ergh. Nico was being infuriating. Will sighed. "You came into my cabin and shadow traveled me outside of camp. We ran for a while. Then we got tired, so we lay down for a bit. Then there were these dancing ghosts, everywhere. And this music…you wouldn't forget it. If you'd been there."

Nico didn't seem intrigued. "And then?"

Will thought hard. Here his memory started getting spotty. "We…" He hesitated. This was getting a little embarrassing. Especially if it had been a dream. "We danced. With the ghosts. And then I think we shadow traveled back. But I don't remember getting to the Apollo cabin."

Nico nodded, his face unchanged throughout Will's rambling. "I see. Anything else?"

The November breeze was chilly, but Will's face felt unusually warm. He didn't want to tell him. But he refused to keep a secret from Nico. "I don't remember all that well. But I think when you were transporting us back to camp, you kissed me."

Nico didn't look surprised. Instead, he knotted his hands and studied Will''s face. A blush crept up Will''s neck. Finally, Nico stopped scrutinizing him. "Okay." He stood.

Will stood too. "Where are you going?"

Nico began to walk away. "I got up really early to talk to you, and now I'm exhausted, so I'm going back to bed."

"But you didn't eat anything! We've been over this, Nico. You have to eat three full meals a day."

"Well, you can't tell me that five cups of coffee in the morning is healthy. Don't be a hypocrite, Will. That's not cool." Nico had stopped walking and had turned to face him.

Will flushed. "I was going to eat once you left! And I only had four cups!" He placed his hands on his hips to solidify his point. How this was accomplished was beyond him, but it felt right.

Nico rolled his eyes. "Big deal. Still unhealthy. And I will eat, thank you very much. I just refuse to eat at this ungodly hour."

"Well, knowing you, you'll sleep in till noon and miss breakfast altogether! And breakfast is the most important meal of the day!"

Nico childishly stuck his tongue out. "I can do whatever I want. And you can't stop me."

"Yes I can! If it were up to you, you would be nothing but a puddle of darkness by now." Will suddenly noticed that Nico had been grinning throughout their entire argument, and that he was doing the same.

Nico crossed his arms and tossed his head. "I only did that because I wanted to. If I want to do something, I will do it. And there's nothing you can do to stop me."

Will squared his shoulders. "Try me."

Nico's grin became even wider, and to Will it was the most wonderful thing in the world. "Fine then. I will." he said, then marched up to Will.

Before Will knew it, Nico was kissing him again.

Any awareness of his siblings behind them dissolved. Will wrapped his arms around Nico and pulled him closer. Last night couldn't have been a dream because there was something familiar about the way he tasted. Or maybe something this magical could only be found in dreams. Will wanted to lose himself in the moment forever, but Nico drew back and buried his face into his shoulder. He whisperer something.

"I used to be so scared. But now I'm not scared anymore."

Will took his face in both his hands and met his dark, sparkling eyes. "I'm glad." he replied.

Nico's smile lit up Will's whole world. "I knew you wouldn't stop me." he taunted as he turned around and started walking away. Will stood there, savoring what had just happened. Nico hummed as he padded up the hill towards the Hades cabin.

The same melody that the phantom violin had played. Last night.


End file.
